So I had a bit of a surprise yesterday and I am still reeling from it. Heaven knows how terrible it's been at my house. Yesterday I chose to meet with an evening client to hand her some papers. I had to meet up with her at the Forks, a sort of touristy Pavillion. Anyways, as I am sitting by the river feeding the ducks, I hear my name and it's Riley! I was shocked. I felt like the biggest lump in my throat and forced myself not to run to him. He pulled his mask down and he had the biggest smile on his face. I swear my heart stopped. I immediately looked around for his wife and kids and realized he was alone.
Well, this guy.... he marched right up to me, grabbed me and hugged me so tight. It took me a minute to realize what was happening and I hugged him back, I couldn't stop myself. I couldn't believe it because I missed him so much. He was working on an electrical system for one of the buildings with his cousin and said he saw me and followed me. Needless to say, my heart was racing. He said that he didn't think we would ever talk again and apologized for not emailing me anymore. I told him that I understood and knew how his wife felt about it. He apologized for her too, which I didn't really understand. But it felt good to know that he didn't choose to stop talking to me.
I can't even explain it. We were out in the open, by the river, a few people walked by - but it felt like we were alone. I could finally breathe. I couldn't even remember being that happy in forever. We couldn't stop talking and it was like we were talking so fast to get it all in. He caught me up on his kids, only mentioning that his wife was still being a lazy, miserable bitch. But as usual, I said nothing. He told me about his jobs and I could only share part of what was going on with my work (confidentiality and all).
I could smell his cologne. Hearing his laugh and voice was the best sound I have heard in months. I forgot what it felt like to laugh and smile. He mentioned that I look different, not bad, just empty. He always knew me. I told him a little bit of what has been happening at home. He blurted out that if it wasn't inappropriate, he would be holding my hand to offer me comfort. I wanted so badly to take him up on that, but knew it would be wrong. He said I still smell the same, like sweets with a hint of fresh air (my perfume and being outside) when he hugged me. I was a goner.
We couldn't talk enough. We couldn't laugh enough. I had goosebumps the entire time and I wanted him to kiss me so badly. Like full on make-out and just feel happy for once. We would even sit in silence, just smiling at each other. He sat so close to me that I could feel his thigh against mine. My heart needed this. My soul missed our connection. We sat and talked for what felt like an eternity, but it was just over an hour. He spent his dinner break talking to me and my client didn't show up, so no interruptions.
I have to admit that it felt like a date. It was just the 2 of us, feeding ducks, talking and catching up, sharing his food. It was magical.
When he finally said that he had to get back or his cousin would come find him, I was sad. He could see it in my face, although I tried hard to hide it and couldn't look at him. He hugged me so tight and I wanted to bawl. I closed my eyes and tried so hard to remember that moment. But the kicker was when he whispered "I know, you know. I feel the same about everything. I am sorry that we can't talk anymore. It's been hard on me too." He squeezed me one more time, I felt him kiss the top of my head (my 5'2 to his 6'7) and he packed his stuff as we said our goodbyes and he left. The tears silently came before he even went around the corner. I had to sit there for another 30 minutes before I could get up from the bench and walk to my truck. I didn't want to go home looking completely messed up, so I ran to use the bathroom and wet my face, grabbed a tea and went home. The whole time I wanted to go back and find Riley.
But I went home, got our kids to bed, cleaned up, got backpacks ready for the next day and went to bed. I didn't have to worry about Asshat knowing anything was off with me. We haven't really talked to each other since the weekend from hell. He doesn't even look at me. My heart was hurting so bad from missing Riley. I was walking around in a daze.
I lay there hugging my body pillow, wishing it was Riley, replaying every moment. It was the most peaceful sleep I have had in a long time. I woke up feeling happy/sad and know that at least we had our moment. It was serendipitous. If I hadn't taken that extra shift, if I had met my client somewhere else.... I feel like I am walking on clouds today and I am not letting the asshat get me down. He can go fuck himself.